Doesn’t life suck sometimes? Well for you it does, I’m sure. But not for me! Anyway, since I am in a good mood today, I decided to offer this deal to you guys. This is especially important, because both the Ultimate Bet and Full Tilt offers have expired (at least temporarily).

Luckily, Cake Poker has jumped on board. They have rooms filled with absolutely shitty players to take advantage of. Cake is the only US Friendly site currently offering such a nice no deposit bonus, so get in while the offer is on the table!

Here’s  how to get your free $100 bankroll without depositing anything:

Remember, you have to follow these instructions specifically. Don’t screw this up or you’ll lose your opportunity!

1. If you already have a Cake Poker account, forget about it. This is for new accounts only. You must also be over 18
2. You must sign up using this link. If it asks you for a referral code, use free100cake. if it doesn’t ask, don’t worry about it.
3. It is NOT available in the following countries: Australia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Estonia, Hungary, Iceland, Israel, Kazakhstan, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania, Macedonia, Malaysia Moldova, Peru, Poland, Romania, Russia, Slovenia, Turkey, Uruguay, Venezuela and Vietnam.
4. You will receive an initial deposit of $25, which can be played with like real money. The remaining $75 is deposited at $10 increments every time you accumulate 166.67 FPPs. To see how bonus points work, check out my deposit bonus winback guide.
5. Your bonus money becomes “real money” just like regular bonus money at Cake Poker. Check out the guide again to see how long that will take.
6. Once you sign up here, you will have to do an identity verification. This involves getting a personal key phrase over the phone (via voice mail or SMS), as well as submitting a photocopy of your ID. The information on your ID must match your account details!
7. All requests are subject to approval by both YPC and Titan Poker. Expect it to take a few days (in my experience, it takes less than a week, but they say up to 2 weeks).

This offer is not available for US Players. If you are in the US, you can get a similar (but not as good) deal at Cake Poker. If you are outside the US, stick with Titan.

Another day, another sweet deal for all you losers looking to get something for nothing. Usually I’d say that’s impossible, but thanks to our pals at YPC, every lamer’s fantasy has become a reality!

That’s right, if you follow these instructions carefully and specifically, you can get $150 worth of bonus money deposited to your Titan Poker account without having to deposit a single cent.

You do have to follow this very specifically, because this good a deal doesn’t come without some limitations. It will work for 99% of you out there though, as long as you don’t live in an unwelcome country and don’t already have a Titan Poker account.

Here’s what you do:

1. If you already have a Titan Poker account, forget about it. This is for new accounts only. You must also be over 18
2. You must sign up using this link. If it asks you for a referral code, use free150titan. if it doesn’t ask, don’t worry about it.
3. It is NOT available in the following countries: Afghanistan, Australia, Belarus, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Israel, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Slovakia, Turkey, Ukraine, United Kingdom, United States, Venezuela and Vietnam. If you’re from USA or UK, you can get a similar deal at Cake Poker.
4. You will receive an initial deposit of $50, which can be played with like real money. The second and third deposits of $50 each are released after accumulating 5000 Titan Points. To see how bonus points work, check out my deposit bonus winback guide.
5. Your bonus money becomes “real money” just like regular bonus money at Titan Poker. Check out the guide again to see how long that will take. It can also expire in 180 days, so you will have to be active with this gift you’re receiving!
6. Once you sign up here, you will have to do an identity verification. This involves getting a personal key phrase over the phone (via voice mail or SMS), as well as submitting a photocopy of your ID. The information on your ID must match your account details!
7. All requests are subject to approval by both YPC and Titan Poker. Expect it to take a few days (in my experience, it takes less than a week, but they say up to 2 weeks).

And that’s about it. Yes, it is a bit more involved than just signing up at Titan and depositing your own money, but this is fucking FREE. You can’t expect to have everything handed to you on a silver platter. Well I can, but you can’t.

Update: This offer has expired (temporarily, at least). I recommend getting a free bankroll from Titan Poker instead. US Players will want to get theirs at Cake Poker.

Much like my Full Tilt Poker offer, I am also able to offer a similar bonus for Ultimate Bet. That’s right, if you don’t have an Ultimate Bet account already, you can sign up here and play with $100 of real money without depositing a cent!

Here are the details (pay attention, because if you screw up once, you’ll lose your chance to get free money!)

1. It’s only available to new UltimateBet.com accounts. If you already have an account there, or at their free .net site, forget about it.
2. You must sign up for an account from our friends at YPC. You must sign up through this link, or you will not be applicable for two free deposits!
3. It’s only available in the following countries: United States, Canada, Argentina, Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Netherlands, Spain, Sweden, Ukraine
4. The second $50 bonus is applied once you have played 100 real-money hands. Your hands count as long as you are playing real money poker games, even if you are playing with your free $50
5. You can only withdraw the bonus money after playing 2500 real-money poker hands.
6. Free bonus is subject to approval by both YPC and Ultimate Bet. You will have to do an ID verification with YPC, to prevent people from signing up multiple times
7. The bonus will expire in 120 days, so be sure to accumulate your 1000 points within that timeframe.

So yes, it’s strict. But of course it’s going to be strict – it’s free money! No go sign up here and get your Ultimate Bet money!

Update: This offer has expired. I recommend getting a free bankroll from Titan Poker instead. US Players will have to get theirs from Cake Poker.

If your eyeballs are functioning, you surely have seen Full Tilt Poker’s logo somewhere. They are taking the “throw everything at the wall and see what sticks” approach to marketing. Basically if an event fits the 18-34 demographic, Full Tilt is buying as much ad space as they can there.

They also offer a nice incentive for new users – $50 worth of bonus money deposited right to your account, as soon as you open it, and another $50 after you play some poker. You don’t  have to deposit a cent, and you can use it to play for real money right away. Sign up for an account here to get started!

There are, of course, a few conditions:

1. It’s only available to new Full Tilt Poker.com accounts. If you already have an account there, or at their free .net site, forget about it.
2. You must sign up for an account from our friends at YPC. You must sign up through this link, or  you will not be applicable for two free deposits!
3. It’s only available in the following countries: United States, Canada, Argentina, Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Netherlands, Spain, Sweden, Ukraine
4. The second $50 bonus is applied once you have accumulated 300 points (I wrote a guide on how deposit bonus money is calculated at different poker rooms, so read that for more details). You can gain points as long as you are playing real money poker games, even if you are playing with your free $50
5. You can only withdraw the bonus money after accumulating 1000 points playing real money poker games
6. Free bonus is subject to approval by both YPC and Full Tilt Poker.
7. The bonus will expire in 120 days, so be sure to accumulate your 1000 points within that timeframe.

And that’s it! Totally acceptable in my opinion. So even if you have no interest in joining a new poker room, it’s totally worth joining Full Tilt and trying your luck with the free $100 they will give you.

The things these idiots do are so fundamental, that I wondered if I could write up a quick article with 5 tips that, if they actually followed, they would stop being such losers immediately. Well, the shortest list I could come up with is 7. And here they are:

1) Read, study, and learn. If you are trying to earn money playing poker, then you need to take it seriously. Consider it a job. If you were one of those schmucks who went to school to work in a field,  you probably read a lot too (and paid a lot to do so). Well now you have the advantage of websites like mine, and tons of books that are available. So read what they have to share, and learn how to play poker properly.

2) Find out who you are, and change your game to suit yourself. Okay, so you just stopped reading this post after point #1, and went out and bought Power Poker by Doyle Brunson. You skimmed through it, headed to Ultimate Bet, and lost a few hundred dollars. What went wrong? Well you may have learned something from the book, but you also need to apply it to yourself. You are not Doyle. You are not me (thank god). You are you. You have your own strengths (well, most people d0 at least) and weaknesses (probably more than you’d admit). Find out what they are, work on the strengths, and try to avoid the occasions where you lose a lot of money. Manage your swings by adjusting your strategies either way, but don’t get too carried away.

3) Don’t force things. If you’ve stuck with me so far, you already know which areas of poker you suck at, and which ones you are… better at. So you will also know what will put you on tilt or make you feel invincible. Don’t let the game change your style of play. You can easily see a bad streak turn into a really bad week, or more. If you have the technical part of poker down, then just worry about what goes on in your head. Maybe even work on tilting other players, so you can see how not to play. Because I can almost guarantee, you can be manipulated if you’re not careful. I’ve done it many times.

4) Know your opponents. You are not playing against bots, you are playing against people. And like I said before, most of the people you play against will be losers. Knowing that, you should easily be able to be a winner. This goes beyond just knowing who is loose or aggressive. You should use tracking software, or at least take notes of certain plays. Like how much does this guy raise pre-flop when he has this type of hand in this position? Or do you notice someone always checking the flop when he gets the set with no two sets on the board? This will help you know exactly what you’re up against, and after a while will become second nature to you. When that happens, you will start to win more, I promise.

5) Know your positions, and respect them. I wrote about this at length already, so be sure to read those articles if you haven’t.

6) Pick the right table. If you play at the same poker room most of the time, and it’s not absurdly huge, you will begin to recognize players. So eventually, you’ll know who the newbies are (but remember, just because someone is new to a room doesn’t mean they automatically suck!). But more importantly, you’ll know who the sharks are, and who sucks. Learn who the sharks are, and stay away from those tables. That way, you’ll have more fish to yourself! You should also be able to determine a table’s style of play after watching it for a while. Is it aggressive? Passive? Lose or tight? Find out, and go to the one that matches your playing style the best.

7) Even if you are a winner like me, you have to keep in mind that you won’t win every single night. So keep in mind that your bankroll will swing here and there, and it is normal. Don’t get pissed off by losing streaks, and don’t get overly excited by winning streaks. They will all end eventually, and as long as you are winning overall, that is what matters most.

If you’re a loser (which you almost certainly are), you are probably playing shorthanded Holdem games wrong. Most losers will play the same way in shorthanded games as they do in full games. This doesn’t work, unless your full game strategy is wrong to begin with… Others go by the general advice of “be more aggressive” but end up being too aggressive, not taking into account their position, etc.

Here are some common mistakes made every day by losers like you. Keep these in mind the next time you find yourself at a shorthanded table. Warning: This is a really long, verbose article. If you are used to finding garbage poker sites with crap information, this might seem really long to you. Stick with it, even if you have the attention span of a goldfish, because you will learn how to play Poker better. And after that, sign up to our newsletter, add our RSS feed, and follow me on Twitter. You will become a better person for it, and your offspring will thank you for it later.

1) Playing too many hands in weak positions

Generally, you will want to play more hands when there are fewer players, as there is less of a chance of someone having a better hand than you. However, you can’t be too loose, especially when  you are in a weak position. If you haven’t yet, be sure to read my 3 part guide on positions in Texas holdem poker. If you don’t know what the terms “Under The Gun” and “Small Blind” mean, then you better go back and start from the basics.

Here are some examples of some marginal plays that on the surface might seem like good ideas:

a) Under The Gun with K♥ 10♣

You might be tempted to raise here, but from this position that would be a far too loose-aggressive type of play. Players that act after you will probably re-raise you with any Ace with high card, mid-high pairs, and high suited connectors. Your KTo wouldn’t do well against those re-raising hands. This type of hand can be raised if you are in a later position, since there will be a lesser chance of someone re-raising you.

b) Small Blind, calling a raise with J♦ 10♠

Again, too loose. I’ll talk more about calling raises in the SB position later in this article.

c) On The Button, calling a raise with A♠ 4♦

The first problem with this play is that it will be dominated by any other hand with an Ace (which will often explain why they open-raised to begin with). Secondly, even if nobody else has an Ace, you won’t get much action if an Ace comes on the Flop.

2) Throwing away too many hands in shorthanded games

Sometimes people will play the same way shorthanded as they do in full games, which means they are playing too tight in shorthanded games. Keep some of these examples in mind next time you are in a shorthanded game (these would be considered too loose in full games):

a) In the Big Blind, call a raise by an early position player with Q♥ 10♦

QTo would be often dominated by early raisers in a full game, but when there are 5 or fewer players, people are usually raising with more hands so this is a good play shorthanded.

b) On The Button, reraise an early position player with A♣ J♦

In full games, you will probably want to fold your AJo against an early position raise. In fact, even AQo should be folded if you’ve noticed that the raiser is particularly tight. But in shorthanded games, everyone is more aggressive and will open-raise with a wider variety of hands. AJo would do well against hands people are open-raising with in shorthanded games.

3) Being too predictable

In any poker game, you want to be unpredictable to your opponents, and you want them to be predictable to you. This is tough to manage in full games, because unpredictable play usually just means you suck at poker, especially in the early position. In shorthanded games, you have many more chances to be unpredictable and still play well. Here are two specific positions where you still have to play predictably pre-Flop:

a) Under The Gun in a game with 5 or fewer players. You should play predictably here, because there are still two more non-blind hands that act after you. This means there is still a good chance that one of them may have a good hand. This is similar to raising from an early position in full games – you can’t raise too often from here without quality cards. Being unpredictable in this situation will cost you too much, because you will often be playing poor hands from a bad position.

b) In the Small Blind. In this position, you should be folding unless you have a killer hand like AA or KK (in which case you should always raise). SB is a terrible position to play unpredictably from, as you will always have the worst position.

Here are the seats where you can gain the most by playing unpredictably:

a) In the Big Blind, you should call raises more than you would in full games. Being the last to act, you can look out for situations like when there is only one raise and everyone else folds to you. Feel free to call or re-raise with hands like AK, AQ, and pairs. This means you will be more unpredictable after the Flop.

b) On The Button can raise more often, because you will be folded to more often than you would in a full game. If the player to your left is not a complete moron, he will be folding a lot as the Small Blind. Also keep an eye on the player two places to your left; if he is too passive as the Big Blind, it will be very easy to steal the blinds with a pre-Flop raise On The Button.

You should also try to play unpredictable after the Flop as well. Here’s a situation for you to consider, including different examples of how you should play:

Situation: You are in Early Position. Hand varies (below)

The Flop: J♦ 7♣ 6♣

You should check raise with:

-Any hand with a J
-Any hand with a 7
-Any hand with a Straight draw, such as T8 or 98
-Any hand with a Flush draw, such as Q♣ 4♣

Check-raising with these hands will make you seem more unpredictable to your opponents; if someone had raised pre-Flop with a hand such as A♥ 5♦ or K♣ 10♠ he will have a tough time calling you, even though he may be ahead. If he does call on the Flop, he may fold on the Turn if his hand doesn’t improve.

Also, if you have a Flush or Straight draw, or top pair on the Flop and are in late position, always raise so that your opponent will not be able to predict your play as much.

4) Calling instead of Folding or Raising

If you are in the habit of limping into the pre-Flop round, even during Shorthanded games, you are incredibly easy to pick out as a loser. If you’re UTG in a 5-handed game and are deciding what to do, there are only two choices: fold or raise. There aren’t too many hands that are worth limping in with in a Full-handed game, and there are even less when playing Short-handed. Most losers have problems in this situation with hands like JTo or 87s. Losers will constantly lose their money to people like me with these hands, so they know they are winning hands. But then they start thinking to themselves that they really need to hit the flop to keep playing with them.. But then they are winning cards so what do they do? They just limp in.

Taking a look at T9s, it might be justifiable to limp in early position with this hand, if you expect others to call as well – this gives you a multiple-player pot to win. Call during shorthanded games though, and there will usually be someone raising behind you, or they’ll all fold to the blinds. In either case, there are no longer enough players for this hand to be worth playing on, so you should fold it. Calling is a mistake, because it will most likely be just you and the BB.

Say you drew ATo. It’s not a great hand, as it is dominated by AK, AQ, and AJ. However, in a shorthanded game with 6 or less players, it is strong enough to play. And in this case, you want to play it with as few players as possible, since draws will lessen your chance of winning. That means raising is better than calling with this kind of hand.

5) Folding too many hands

As I have mentioned before on this site, I definitely favour tight play early on in full-handed games. It can be useful in shorthanded games as well, but not under the same circumstances. The key is to know when and how to adjust your playing style; you should never throw away medium to high pocket pairs without good reason. And an overcard (or even two) on the board is not a good enough reason in itself.

a) In the Big Blind in a 4-handed game with 10♠ 8♦

The button decides to open-raise, causing the SB to fold. You might consider this to be an auto-fold, as it often is in full-handed games. But if you play well post-Flop, you are at least getting good enough odds to see the Flop. If the other guy has something like Q7, your odds are decent enough to make the call.

b) In Early Position with J♥ J♣ in a 5-handed game.

You raised pre-flop, and the Button (an average player) and BB (someone who reads this awesome site and knows WTF they’re doing) both call.

Flop: A♠ 10♣ 7♦

The big blind checks, and you bet. Button folds, and BB calls:

Turn: 3♦

BB checks, and you bet. Then suddenly he check raises you. I already know what you’re thinking (you’re so predictable!): That he definitely has an Ace, so you better fold. In fact, he could very well be holding something like J♦ 10♦, and picked up a flush draw along with his pair of 10′s. Keeping in mind that players like this, who are comfortable playing in Short-handed games, are way more aggressive and tricky than usual, you must adjust your play accordingly. In this case, calling his bet is a good decision, while it may not be such a great idea in a full-handed game.

6) Being too passive at the wrong time

Since Short-handed games call for more aggressive play, the average hand is not as strong as an average hand in a Full-handed game. Some hands become more valuable than others, and can be played more aggressively shorthanded. Here are some cases for more aggressive play:

1) If you have a good hand, you want to get more money into the pot, so you can win more. Since everyone else should be looser and more aggressive, they will be calling bets and raises with lesser hands. So don’t be afraid of betting or raising when you think you have the best hand, since the others will be more likely to stick around longer.

2) If you have a good hand that may be vulnerable to draws. In this case, you want the others to fold. IE: If you have top-pair when the board is 10-7-4, you may have the best hand now, but your hand is susceptible to overcards.

3) If you need to instill fear into other players, so you have credibility when you bluff or semi-bluff. This is important because you will have way more chances to bluff in short-handed games. You need to make sure your opponents can’t tell whether you made a hand; if they can’t tell, they can easily make mistakes.

a) You hold A♠ 3♣ in a 4-handed game. You open-raise and both blinds call

Flop: A♣ 7♦ 6♠

They both check, and you bet. They both call.

Turn: 8♥

They both check again – but don’t be afraid if one of them check-raises – keep on betting. If they have a 5 or 9, they’ll want to see if they can make a Straight on the River for free. Don’t let them! Although you wouldn’t want to go up against a hand like 98, you still don’t want to give him a free chance to win the pot.

Usually, you might want to check here, with the intention of calling a bluff on the River. However, the best time to bluff is when your opponent has few outs, and will likely fold if you bet on the Turn. In this case, most aggressive players will call for a straight draw (and some might even call with an inside straight draw). So you want to bet on the Turn, since you are going to get called anyway.

7) Being too aggressive at the wrong time

Semi-Bluffing can be a powerful strategy when used at the right time, against the right opponent. What makes an opponent the right one for bluffing? He has to be willing to fold at least once with a made hand when you raise. You want to break out a semi-bluff when the board looks scary for your him. But if there is no way he’ll fold, a semi-bluff is a bad idea. As I have said many times now, players in shorthanded games will be more aggressive than usual, and some of them will rarely lay down a hand, no matter how bad it is. You’ll see people calling with A-high or bottom-pair, seemingly with no regard for what’s on the board. Against these morons, semi-bluffing or bluffing is useless, since they won’t fold anyway. You should still be aggressive against them, but only when you think you are ahead, and you should bet for value. This obviously relates to full-handed games as well, but I put it here because people tend to semi-bluff more often in short-handed games, which increases your chances of trying it on a “calling station”.

8) Not Checking

As I mentioned earlier, Shorthanded poker decisions usually come down to folding or raising. But sometimes, checking can be useful too, especially when your opponents are playing too aggressively. There are times when you don’t want to fold, because you may have the best hand – but a raise can be a bad idea when you end up driving out other players who would otherwise limp in and bet against you in the next round. Here’s an example:

a) Your hand: K♠ J♣

Flop: A♦ K♣ 4♥

Both blinds check to you, and you bet. The SB folds, and the BB calls. Since BB called, you can guess that he has an A with a mediocre kicker, or K with a worse kicker than you, or possibly is going for an inside straight draw.

Turn: 6♥

BB checks. If he is going for a straight draw, then he only has 4 outs. If you bet here and he calls, you would know that he would be making a bad call (since he does not have pot odds). Some people will automatically call with an inside straight draw in this scenario (usually without even knowing whether they have pot odds or not). Against those losers, you should bet again to sucker him in some more. However, those who are aware of their odds will be willing to dump their straight draw on the Turn. Against this type of player, Checking is the correct move after his Check. Give him some time to think about winning the hand, even if he doesn’t hit his straight on the River. By showing some weakness in this case, you are letting him think that you do not have a strong hand either, and you might fold on the River if he bets. If you were to raise instead, he would just fold. So if he doesn’t have an A, and hasn’t hit a straight yet, you could induce him to bluff on the River and win a bet that you otherwise would have missed out on.

But what if he has an A with a good kicker? Maybe he has A6, and made two pair on the Turn. Maybe the Flop gave him two pair, or a pair of A’s with a good kicker. In any of those cases, he knows there is a good chance that you’ll bet on the Turn, since you raised pre-Flop and bet on the Flop. If he’s any good, he’ll set  you up for a check-raise on the Turn. If he does have one of those hands, you do not want to bet and get check-raised, because you’ll be forced to fold your own hand (which is the correct play at that point). Instead, you would much rather check, and just hope that you give him a bad beat on the River with triple K’s.

So be sure to keep Checking in mind, considering it a ‘stealth weapon’ against better players who will try to steal if they see any weakness. Do not use it against mindless callers, as you’ll just be preventing them from calling when you have the best hand (against those losers, you want to bet on the Turn, and then check on the River). If you are too aggressive, betting constantly until someone raises, you’ll just miss out on great opportunity in hands like this.

9) Calling all the way to the River with A-high

If you have just an A with a crap kicker, you will usually want to just keep calling, but sometimes it isn’t the right play. Losers like you will play an A all the way to the River, without considering anything else. They’ll see so many crap hands win, and see some A-high hands win, so they’ll automatically think they should keep calling down to the River with an A, regardless of whatever else is going on with the other players. Sometimes this IS the right strategy, sometimes it isn’t. What I am trying to explain is that you can’t do it indiscriminately.

Here are some examples of when calling down with an A-high is NOT the right thing to do:

a) Your hand: A♥ 6♣

Board: K♦ Q♣ 9♥
Turn: 8♠
River: 3♦

In this case, there is really no reason to assume the other player is bluffing. Trying to call him down on a bluff with board like this is just plain stupid. In fact, you shouldn’t have even called on the Flop. Loser.

b) You are in the BB with 2 other players
Your hand: A♥ 6♣

Board: 3♠ 4♦ 5♥
Turn: K♠
River: J♣

SB checks to  you on the River, and you check as well. The Button bets, and SB calls. In this case, you fold. The only way you could hope to win this hand is if the Button bluffed AND the SB called with a hand that can’t beat your A6. What do you think the odds are of that happening? You might beat the bluffer, but you probably wouldn’t beat the SB’s call.

And here are some examples of when you DO want to call with your A-high:

a) Your hand: A♥ 6♣

Board: 3♠ 4♦ 5♥
Turn: 10♠
River: 8♣

There are 4 other players. Your opponent is on the cutoff, and has raised pre-Flop. In this case, it is less likely that he has a pair here, with no high cards on board. Since you had a straight draw and an Ace, it was the right move to stick around on the Flop and Turn, although raising might be smart as well. What you really need to figure out is whether your opponent would try to make a value bet with AK or AQ on the River. If he has something like K9 or QJ, he might keep betting, hoping you would fold an A. Calling here would be a wise choice against more aggressive players.

b) Your hand: A♣ 6♣

Board: 9♣ 9♠ 5♣
Turn: 10♥
River: 10♦

Someone in the late position raised pre-Flop, and you called in with your A6s. This is an easy call to make – the only way someone will beat you is if they have a 9, 10, or a high pair – you’ll beat any hand with a pair lower than 9′s. In other words, it is totally worthwhile to call here. You’ll probably end up either splitting the pot, or winning it outright.

10) Calling too often

In an aggressive shorthanded game, you will find yourself getting raised, semi-bluffed, check-raised, and bluffed. A lot. Sometimes it is right to call them down; a) When you have the best hand, and b) when you want to show strength, making your opponents aware that you will not fold easily, and will call their semi-bluffs. But sometimes it is better to fold, because there may be a good chance that you do not have the best hand, or could possibly fall behind at some point. Here are some examples:

a) Someone in the late position raises you:

You raised pre-Flop from the cutoff in a 5-handed game, with A♣ 6♣. An average player calls you on the Button, as does the BB.

Your hand: A♣ 6♣
Flop: K♠ Q♥ 4♦

BB checks, and you bet, trying to steal the pot. The Button raises, and BB calls. In this case, you will want to fold. Even an idiot like you should be able to see the possibilities by now: Either one of them could have a pair of K’s or a pair of Q’s, or a straight draw. Since they raised and called, it is unlikely that they are both hoping for a draw. Even if that were the case, you would have to hit an Ace on the Turn. But if one of them is holding JT, your Ace also completes their straight. So when two players are in on the Flop, fold.

b) Someone bets on the Flop, after re-raising you pre-Flop

You are the Button, and tried to steal the blinds against a couple weak players by open raising. A decent player in the SB re-raises. BB folds, and you call:

Your hand: J♣ 9♣
Flop: A♠ 3♥ 3♣

SB bets, and what do you do? You fold, moron! Even with decent odds, and only have 6 outs to win. Definitely not enough in this case.

c) Someone bets on the Flop when you raised pre-Flop

You are in the cutoff position, and open-raise. Both blinds call:

Your hand: K♣ J♦
Flop: A♠ 9♥ 9♠

SB bets, and BB calls. And you fold. The only thing you could hope for here is that they are both going for a Spade flush draw – not very likely. If you are not beaten already,  you can easily be outdrawn at this point. If there was only one opponent, you might consider calling if he is prone bluffing or going for a flush draw, but since there are two players, get out of this hand.

11) Calling raises in the Small Blind

I discussed how to play in the Small Blind position before, and it is worth going over here, in terms of shorthanded play. Calling raises while in SB is a stupid mistake when there are no other callers to a raise before your turn. If there is just one raise, then your decision is to either re-raise, or fold, and that’s it. If you call, you are giving the Big Blind great pot odds to call as well. this means that the BB is going to call with just about any decent hand. And by calling, you will be in a shitty position for the rest of the hand, with 2 players behind you. So you will have to get used to folding hands like J9s, A2s, and KTo. If you do have a playable hand, you will want to take the pot-odds away from the Big Blind by re-raising. This will also make you look strong going into the Flop, against pot-stealers.

If there is only one raiser, and nobody else called, you should not call. If you’re a loser (face it, loser), you are probably used to automatically calling in spots like this, only giving the edge to the Big Blind beside you. I love sitting to the left of players like this, it’s a great spot to be. Keep an eye out for these habitual callers sitting in the Small Blind.

12) Not adjusting to the game properly

Not all Shorthanded games play the same. Some will feel no different from a full game. This will happen when people are trying to take it easy, playing very tight, or are just not used to shorthanded play. Other times, games will go very fast, with plenty of raises and re-raises. In these games, you’ll often see pre-Flop rounds get 3 bets or more. This means huge pots even before the Flop, so raising and semi-bluffing in later rounds becomes even more important. If anyone folds, everyone else benefits from greater equity. In slower, more passive games, semi-bluffs will need to work more often than not for them to be worthwhile, since the pots will be smaller.

When the game is going fast, and the mood is more aggressive, semi-bluffing and raising are more useful strategies, because the pots will be bigger. When the game is slower and more passive, you will want to adjust accordingly, and play more conservatively, stealing on occasion. Better players will have the ability to control games to play how they want. For example if you want a more aggressive game, you can start trash talking and tilting players. Sure enough, the game opens up eventually, if the opponents are the type who are susceptible to tilting (and this is more common than you’d expect).

13) Playing 3-handed games like you would play 6-handed games

By now, you hopefully have realized that games and positional strategies change depending on how many players are involved. 6-handed games play different from 3-handed games (in fact, 6-handed games are more like full tables than they are 3-handed games). In a 3-handed game, every player is essentially involved in every hand. This means that any weaknesses become magnified. If you are skilled enough, you will learn your opponents’ weaknesses, and take advantages of them more and more as tables get shorter. Another thing is greatly magnified in very shorthanded games: Luck.

One of Doyles tips that stood out to me is how he plays small suited connectors. In short, he loves to play them, especially at full tables.  Pay attention to his strategy  and that could very well win you some hands at PartyPoker.com, Full Tilt Poker, or any other online poker room you like to play on. According to Doyle, his favorite hand is 8-7 Suited. He almost always plays tha thand, and will often raise with it. What do you normally do when you have 87s? You probably fold it, 9 times out of 10. That’s why Doyle is Doyle, and you are a loser.

The reason 87s is so great is that it’s tough for people to put you on it, and it’s easy to get away from. When someone raises pre-Flop, you usually put them on something like Ax, Kx, or a high pair.

So let’s put together a situation for Doyle:

His hand: 8♥ 7♥

Situation: He raises the minimum, and two players call.

The Flop: J♠ 9♥ 5♥

So because of the raise, most people will assume Doyle has nothing, with the possible exception of a Flush draw. In reality, he has 17 outs, with Flush and Inside Straight draws. Doyle bets, anyone with an Ax or Kx is likely to proceed, possibly with a low pair high kicker:

The Turn: 6♣

Doyle has hit the gut-shot straight, and can continue to bet.

The River: A♥

This is where everything works out for Doyle (as they often tend to do). The guy with A9 or AQ or whatever is likely to go all in, only to run nose-first into Doyle’s straight. Ouch!

If Doyle had not his his straight, he didn’t invest much money at all, and can easily get out of the hand.

If the Turn was: K♥ A♠ 10♦

Someone has almost inevitably made a pair or two, and with no chance at a Flush his hand is pretty much worthless and still easy to get away from at little loss.

So if you want to be like Doyle, and not the loser that you are, learn to play more aggressively, and play those suited connectors properly!

If you just started playing Texas Holdem online, and just continue to lose hand after hand, and tournament after tournament, that is fine by me. But if you don’t want to keep giving me all your money, you better learn something fast!

The first thing that you need to wrap your head around that might seem confusing at first is your position at the table, and how it affects how you should play. If you’ve been making your plays based solely on your draw, then it’s no wonder you lose all the time, you shmuck!

So let’s go over positions, using PKR’s awesome 3D interface. If you are new to real poker tables, this should help you too. PKR is my favorite place to play, just because it has the most interesting look for a real money poker game. It’s also great fun to use the animation and voices to put players on tilt when you win their money :) (use deposit code JERK1000 if you deposit at least $1000, to get a 100% bonus on that, or use JERK100 to get a good 100% on up to $600).

So this is what a table looks like. Me, and 9 losers ready to lose all their money to me. I am sitting out here, so I can take screenshots.

To make things simple, I named that geek who keeps checking his hole cards Loser 1, since he is on the button. He and the two losers to his right have late positions. He has the latest position, which means he is the last one to decide if he wants to take action. The guy on his right has what’s known as the cut-off position.

The two “girls” (yeah right) in this screenshot are the blinds. Those two, along with Loser 4, have the early positions. This means that they are the first ones to take action at the beginning of a round. This is a major disadvantage, because they have no idea of the players who act after them are going to call, raise, or fold.

Here’s a good example; let’s say Loser 4 above has Q♥ 10♠ . Automatic call, right? Not so fast. There is a high chance that at least one of the other players will have a better hand. And even if nobody does, seven of them will have position on him in the later rounds.

Now let’s say that Loser 9 has that same hand, and everyone folds before him. That means that there are only three players left who may have a dominating hand. In this case, he will probably want to raise, so Loser 1 (the only player who acts after him) folds. If they call, he still has great position in the next betting rounds.

That is why, if you are in the early position (either one of the Blinds, or Under The Gun) then you should be playing fewer hands overall. As a new player, you must keep your position in mind at all times. This is the one thing that new Texas Holdem players can learn that will significantly improve their play.

Finally, we have the middle positions. Middle position players have some of the same disadvantages of the early positions – they can see what the early position players do, but still have to keep in mind the late position players. Generally, they can open raise with a few more hands than earlier players, because there is less of a chance of someone in the later positions having a better hand.

Here’s another screenshot, to make things simple for you. I have a feeling that’s the only way you’re ever going to learn anything. Remember: Purple have the Late Positions, Orange have the Early Positions, and Blue have the Middle Positions. I should note now that late position before the cut-off (Loser 8 in this picture) can sometimes be considered a middle position, depending on how aggressive and loose the next two players are. Same goes for Loser 7 – that can sometimes work like a late position seat.

By now, I hope you have a basic understanding of positions. That basic info should help you at least with your pre-flop plays. I have taken much money from losers like you in the Small Blind, thinking that posting half a blind is worth it for your J♥ 3♠ and other similar cards.

It gets much more complicated after the flop though, as positional advantage can change from round to round. Let’s say there are three players left after the Flop, and you are the first person to act on the Turn. You have a mediocre hand, so you check. The next player bets, and the third guy calls. This means that you now have good position, and knowledge about the other players as there can’t be a raise after your call. At least, it’s better than the third player’s position, who must act without knowing what the fourth player (or you, when the action comes back) will do. Of course, you’ll end up being the first to act again on the next round, but you can play the same way, with a better idea of where everyone is at.

Also keep in mind that position is always relative to the other players. For instance, if you raised Under The Gun and everyone except the Big Blind folded, you are now in last position after the Flop. You would now have the same positional advantage as though you were on the Button. If you raised in Middle Position, and two players in late position called your raise while everyone else folded, you would suddenly find yourself in early position, with everyone else getting to act after you in the coming rounds.

That’s it for now. In my next strategy article, I am going to go into more advanced strategies which you can use with positional advantage in mind. Be sure to sign up to my RSS feed, or subscribe to my newsletter (to the right of this page) to stay up to date! It’ll surely be the smartest thing you do all day.

But which deals are the best? It ranges a LOT. Let me say now that in the case of deposit bonuses, bigger is NOT always better (sorry loser, size still counts in other departments).

Naturally, you can’t just deposit your money and get access to the bonus right away. No, you have to earn your bonus back, by playing in real money games and participating in tournaments. This is usually done by points – as you play, you will see your points accumulate. The points are what allow you to get your bonus money.

The problem is, the method used to calculate points varies by an absurd degree from room to room. Some rooms count points purely based on dollars raked. Some count based on how many hands you play, etc. The payout methods vary too; sometimes you will be able to claim a little bit of your bonus money at a time, sometimes you will have to earn all of your money within a certain time, or lose it all. That brings me to expiration dates – yup, you will only have a certain amount of time to earn your bonus, or you may not get a single cent back.

The problem with all these terms is that they are not always clearly defined on the websites. Some sites do a great job of explaining things, while others don’t tell you much at all. Then when you contact their support, some sites will give you an unclear answer (or no answer at all) while others will be there to help you right away.

So because you’re a lazy ass, and probably just went for the one with the biggest dollar amount, I decided to research several of the bigger poker rooms, and compare their bonus payout terms to each other. When you see the chart, you will realize how ridiculous it is…

Confusing enough for you? This took me days to put together. You better appreciate the effort, loser!

The ones that stand out to me are Cake Poker, for its simple point calculations and $10 increments. Also, when you deposit with a fill bonus, your time limit gets reset, giving you ample time to earn all your bonus back. This makes Cake Poker a great room for American big money players, even though they match “only” up to $500.

Ultimate Bet has no time limit, so you could potentially deposit quite a bit of money there, and earn it all back just by playing tournaments if you want. Speaking of tournaments, check out PKR’s rate when you use the JERK300 code! Based on the amount of points you get for joining a tournament, your fee is reduced by 57%! Tourney and SNG players should take note of that.

One interesting thing to note is some rooms won’t credit you with points unless you actually contribute money into the pot. If you fold pre-flop at Cake Poker, you will still get credit for at least being there. Do the same at some of the others, and you will not get any credit. PKR is intriguing, because they will give you more points the more you bet. This is something to keep in mind for the aggressive players.

Of course, none of this matters if you don’t know how long it takes to win your money back.

Now all this information is intriguing to you, I’m sure. But when it comes to comparing how good the bonus payback rates are, it’s essentially useless. I mean, how can you compare one room with points that are worth $0.06 each to one that is worth $0.008 each? That’s why I put together the table below.

This table takes a look at NL games played at various stakes levels, and will tell you how much of your bonus you will earn after 20 hands. Pot levels vary by a lot, but I just chose some arbitrary amounts. Anyway, all the rooms are on equal ground here, that’s all that matters. The actual dollar amounts shown are for comparison purposes only. For the record, the majority of online poker games have pots that are under $10.

After looking at this, you should finally have a rough idea on which rooms will pay you your bonus faster (which is important, because some only give you 30 days!). If you play a lot of very low-limit games, then Party Poker is a good room to consider (their normal bonus is 30% up to $150, but if you sign up through me, you will get 100% up to $500). Party Poker is not welcoming US players, so you guys will probably want to try Cake Poker or Absolute Poker (I would go with Cake Poker, due to their better time limit and support – Absolute still hasn’t answered my question about bonus time limit, even after repeated attempts).

If you like to play in shorthanded games with 6 players or less, then I suggest playing at PKR. Since your points are based on a percentage of your contribution to a pot, your points will accumulate pretty fast when there are fewer players.

As far as middle stakes go, Party Poker is again a good choice, although again, no US players allowed there. Americans will want to try Cake Poker or Full Tilt Poker. Poker Stars looks tempting, but they only match up to 50%.

When it comes to uber high stakes poker, Cake Poker is once again a great choice. As I mentioned above. Other rooms limit your points to $3 rakes, but Cake will give you credit for points on all their rakes, even their $5 ones (a “bigger piece of the cake” as they say). Also, you do not need to bet to earn points, so they will rack up really fast in these games. Ultimate Bet is another good choice for high stakes US players, as they will match 111% up to $1000 and have no time limit.

That’s it losers, all the info is there for you to go over. If you can’t figure out the best rooms to earn your bonus in by now, there is no helping you.

This article took many hours to research and compile. I hope you will be kind enough to visit these rooms through my links if you decide to play at one of these rooms (in some cases, you will need to sign up under me to receive these particular bonuses). Don’t be a jerk! Share the wealth!

Also, if you found this article to be interesting, be sure to subscribe to my RSS feed, or sign up to my newsletter on the right.

Oh one more thing, please Digg this page if you think a lot of people will find this interesting! Cheers, loser!

Disclaimer: This information is accurate to the best of my knowledge. However, I can not be held responsible for any mistakes. Always check with the poker rooms terms and services, and contact them to be 100% sure of the details of their bonus programs. Also, terms can change at any time, without given notice.