Doesn’t life suck sometimes? Well for you it does, I’m sure. But not for me! Anyway, since I am in a good mood today, I decided to offer this deal to you guys. This is especially important, because both the Ultimate Bet and Full Tilt offers have expired (at least temporarily).

Luckily, Cake Poker has jumped on board. They have rooms filled with absolutely shitty players to take advantage of. Cake is the only US Friendly site currently offering such a nice no deposit bonus, so get in while the offer is on the table!

Here’s  how to get your free $100 bankroll without depositing anything:

Remember, you have to follow these instructions specifically. Don’t screw this up or you’ll lose your opportunity!

1. If you already have a Cake Poker account, forget about it. This is for new accounts only. You must also be over 18
2. You must sign up using this link. If it asks you for a referral code, use free100cake. if it doesn’t ask, don’t worry about it.
3. It is NOT available in the following countries: Australia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Estonia, Hungary, Iceland, Israel, Kazakhstan, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania, Macedonia, Malaysia Moldova, Peru, Poland, Romania, Russia, Slovenia, Turkey, Uruguay, Venezuela and Vietnam.
4. You will receive an initial deposit of $25, which can be played with like real money. The remaining $75 is deposited at $10 increments every time you accumulate 166.67 FPPs. To see how bonus points work, check out my deposit bonus winback guide.
5. Your bonus money becomes “real money” just like regular bonus money at Cake Poker. Check out the guide again to see how long that will take.
6. Once you sign up here, you will have to do an identity verification. This involves getting a personal key phrase over the phone (via voice mail or SMS), as well as submitting a photocopy of your ID. The information on your ID must match your account details!
7. All requests are subject to approval by both YPC and Titan Poker. Expect it to take a few days (in my experience, it takes less than a week, but they say up to 2 weeks).

This offer is not available for US Players. If you are in the US, you can get a similar (but not as good) deal at Cake Poker. If you are outside the US, stick with Titan.

Another day, another sweet deal for all you losers looking to get something for nothing. Usually I’d say that’s impossible, but thanks to our pals at YPC, every lamer’s fantasy has become a reality!

That’s right, if you follow these instructions carefully and specifically, you can get $150 worth of bonus money deposited to your Titan Poker account without having to deposit a single cent.

You do have to follow this very specifically, because this good a deal doesn’t come without some limitations. It will work for 99% of you out there though, as long as you don’t live in an unwelcome country and don’t already have a Titan Poker account.

Here’s what you do:

1. If you already have a Titan Poker account, forget about it. This is for new accounts only. You must also be over 18
2. You must sign up using this link. If it asks you for a referral code, use free150titan. if it doesn’t ask, don’t worry about it.
3. It is NOT available in the following countries: Afghanistan, Australia, Belarus, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Israel, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Slovakia, Turkey, Ukraine, United Kingdom, United States, Venezuela and Vietnam. If you’re from USA or UK, you can get a similar deal at Cake Poker.
4. You will receive an initial deposit of $50, which can be played with like real money. The second and third deposits of $50 each are released after accumulating 5000 Titan Points. To see how bonus points work, check out my deposit bonus winback guide.
5. Your bonus money becomes “real money” just like regular bonus money at Titan Poker. Check out the guide again to see how long that will take. It can also expire in 180 days, so you will have to be active with this gift you’re receiving!
6. Once you sign up here, you will have to do an identity verification. This involves getting a personal key phrase over the phone (via voice mail or SMS), as well as submitting a photocopy of your ID. The information on your ID must match your account details!
7. All requests are subject to approval by both YPC and Titan Poker. Expect it to take a few days (in my experience, it takes less than a week, but they say up to 2 weeks).

And that’s about it. Yes, it is a bit more involved than just signing up at Titan and depositing your own money, but this is fucking FREE. You can’t expect to have everything handed to you on a silver platter. Well I can, but you can’t.

Update: This offer has expired (temporarily, at least). I recommend getting a free bankroll from Titan Poker instead. US Players will want to get theirs at Cake Poker.

Much like my Full Tilt Poker offer, I am also able to offer a similar bonus for Ultimate Bet. That’s right, if you don’t have an Ultimate Bet account already, you can sign up here and play with $100 of real money without depositing a cent!

Here are the details (pay attention, because if you screw up once, you’ll lose your chance to get free money!)

1. It’s only available to new UltimateBet.com accounts. If you already have an account there, or at their free .net site, forget about it.
2. You must sign up for an account from our friends at YPC. You must sign up through this link, or you will not be applicable for two free deposits!
3. It’s only available in the following countries: United States, Canada, Argentina, Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Netherlands, Spain, Sweden, Ukraine
4. The second $50 bonus is applied once you have played 100 real-money hands. Your hands count as long as you are playing real money poker games, even if you are playing with your free $50
5. You can only withdraw the bonus money after playing 2500 real-money poker hands.
6. Free bonus is subject to approval by both YPC and Ultimate Bet. You will have to do an ID verification with YPC, to prevent people from signing up multiple times
7. The bonus will expire in 120 days, so be sure to accumulate your 1000 points within that timeframe.

So yes, it’s strict. But of course it’s going to be strict – it’s free money! No go sign up here and get your Ultimate Bet money!

Update: This offer has expired. I recommend getting a free bankroll from Titan Poker instead. US Players will have to get theirs from Cake Poker.

If your eyeballs are functioning, you surely have seen Full Tilt Poker’s logo somewhere. They are taking the “throw everything at the wall and see what sticks” approach to marketing. Basically if an event fits the 18-34 demographic, Full Tilt is buying as much ad space as they can there.

They also offer a nice incentive for new users – $50 worth of bonus money deposited right to your account, as soon as you open it, and another $50 after you play some poker. You don’t  have to deposit a cent, and you can use it to play for real money right away. Sign up for an account here to get started!

There are, of course, a few conditions:

1. It’s only available to new Full Tilt Poker.com accounts. If you already have an account there, or at their free .net site, forget about it.
2. You must sign up for an account from our friends at YPC. You must sign up through this link, or  you will not be applicable for two free deposits!
3. It’s only available in the following countries: United States, Canada, Argentina, Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Netherlands, Spain, Sweden, Ukraine
4. The second $50 bonus is applied once you have accumulated 300 points (I wrote a guide on how deposit bonus money is calculated at different poker rooms, so read that for more details). You can gain points as long as you are playing real money poker games, even if you are playing with your free $50
5. You can only withdraw the bonus money after accumulating 1000 points playing real money poker games
6. Free bonus is subject to approval by both YPC and Full Tilt Poker.
7. The bonus will expire in 120 days, so be sure to accumulate your 1000 points within that timeframe.

And that’s it! Totally acceptable in my opinion. So even if you have no interest in joining a new poker room, it’s totally worth joining Full Tilt and trying your luck with the free $100 they will give you.

Looking specifically at poker legislation, PocketFives mentions Dikshit again (god I love writing that), as well as a failed attempt to actually specify what is legal and illegal in the UIGEA, a congressman who attempted to convince his moronic acquaintances that it would be smart to tax gambling rather than ban it (and failed), and a mention of Bush’s quick insertion of a new rule that will rely on due diligence between banks and merchants in order to deduce if a payment processor is engaged in illegal internet gambling. There’s a ton more political awesomeness to look at on that post, so be sure to do your best to check it out!

What a year it’s been. I’m sweating just thinking about what 2009 is going to be like!